Personal Growth

I gave my wife this hanging plant/flower arrangement as a gift for Mother’s Day.  I’ve been enjoying taking care of it along with the lawn and other plants in our yard.  Each morning as I add water, I look for new growth.  It amazes me how the right combination of elements can come together to create growth.  

As I’ve said with other posts, I believe this is true with people.  I’ve noticed over the years that amazing things can happen in a person’s life when they are in an environment that contains the right ”elements”.  I started to wonder what that list of elements might look like and kazam, another blog entry.  Much of the personal growth material I encounter is oriented toward achievement.  What I’m talking about here is just “being”; growing into your best self.  Being a better person, husband, wife, father, son, daughter, employee, neighbor, etc!

This is by no means an exhausive list, it’s just my attempt on a Wednesday night to capture some thoughts.  This list will probably grow as I think of more elements and update this post.

• Love - This just makes sense.  Love is at the heart of it all — the most basic element like water or air.  Without it, we fade quickly and with it, we flourish.  To love and be loved is one of the most basic of human needs.  I’ve discovered that love can make up for many other missing elements.  Love is a the super ingredient in personal growth.  God is love.
• Safety and Security - We all need to feel safe in order to thrive.  Fear and uncertainty stifle growth.  Soldiers in war who live with extreme violence can suffer from post tramatic stress syndrome when they return home.  This lack of safety puts us in a mode of constant alert.  It’s difficult to relax and concentrate on anything other than survival when you are feeling unsafe.  On the contrary, security and safety creates a peace and calm that allows people to relax and focus on broader things like developing, exploring, creating, and connecting.
• Encouragement- We all need to be encouraged.  Encouragement can help you to have faith in yourself or faith in others.  Encouragement can help you to push harder or try something new.  Encouragement from another person validates us in a way in which we can’t validate ourselves.  Encouragement is like rocket fuel for personal growth.
• Vision- Without a vision, people parish–we all need a vision.  What’s your vision?  Being in an environment where it’s OK to imagine and dream is necessary for growth.  Dreaming dreams, setting goals, and then working to achieve them is so powerful.  It’s like climbing a mountain-one foothold at a time.  Mountain climbers are amazing.  It appears as if they are barely moving as they climb up the face of a cliff -but look were they end up!  Don’t be afraid to dream big! 
• Acceptance - This helps us improve our sense of self– to relax and just be ourselves.  When we are free to be ourselves, we can learn more about who we really are.  Pretending to be someone else doesn’t work in the long run.  Also, accepting others helps us to ultimately accept ourselves.
• Room to Grow- We all need room to grow in our own time and in own way.  Giving someone space to do this is truely giving them a gift.  We all grow at different rates and in different seasons (metaphorically).  For some, growth happens in the spring.  For others, it’s in the fall.   For some, they are dormant through the winter and come to life after the snow melts.  Everyone is different.  I believe that adolescents and young adults need this kind of freedom in order to figure out who they are.   College can be that season for some– a place to learn, grow, make mistakes, and be challenged along the way.  It took me a while to figure things out.  There’s plenty of time–give yourself and others room to grow.  
• Feedback - We all need feedback that helps us see who we are.  Some call this mirroring–when others provide  feedback to you.  This reflection process allows us to gain a better understanding of who we actually are.  It’s healthy to have a view of yourself that is close to the way others see you.   Distrubed people have a big gap between their perception of themselves and other peoples perception of them.  Feedback helps us to move forward in the right direction.
• New Experiences -   I’ve heard that the more experiences preschool children have (seeing things, going places, etc.), the easier it is for them to learn when they start school.  Exposure to lots of things stimulates the brain.  Stimulation is good and promotes growth.  Try something new, it’s good for you.   We all need input in order to produce better output.
• Challenge- Without challenges, we become complacent.  There are lots of mountains to climb and rivers to cross.  Being challenged helps us to be become better, stronger, more able, more skilled, etc.  It’s like the Army slogan that says, “be all you can be”.  Embrace a good challenge–lean into it!
• Trust - Without trust, we live in a suspicious world that is dark, dreary and sad.  With trust, we connect with others and experience life as it is meant to be.  Trusting allows our hearts to grow.
•  Other People- We all need people in our lives in order to grow–this is how we are wired.  Living in community provides us the opportunity to work together and learn from each other.  This process helps remove our rough edges– like stones in a tumbler;  they all come out smooth.  Individually we have limitations but together we can do most anything.   In a marriage, both partners combine their strengths as they build a life together.  Never underestimate the power of other people in your life to help you grow.  Hang out with people who will lift  you up instead of pulling you down.  Learn from others who are ahead of you in their journey.  Take advantage of opportunities to be mentored and to mentor others.  It takes a village.
• Giving- Learning to give helps us all to see past ourselves.  Most of us tend to gravitate toward comfort and self.  Giving of ourselves to others can be an eye opening experience.  Through the experience of giving, we step outside of ourselves and see the world from difference viewpoints and perspectives.  We live in a very narcissistic society.  As a result of this, giving does not come naturally for most.  Learning to give is good for the soul.  It helps prevent selfish behavior that shrinks our world instead of expanding it.  Plus, the  more we give, the more we receive.
• Weeding - I’ve noticed that I need to remove the dead flowers from the hanging flower arrangement in order to make room for the new growth.  Dead flowers take life energy away from the plant–they need to be removed so that the energy can go to the living flowers.  What an amazing parallel to our own lives.  From time to time we need to take inventory, re-evaluate, and make course adjustments.  Weeding can be hard but the benefits out weigh the pain. Like a ship on a journey, a small navigational error can have significant consequences.   Take time to check your course.  Make time to clean out your “dead flowers” and get rid of things that slow you down  taking up unnecessary emotional space in your life.  Re-evaluation is a necessary part of growing.  It’s an iterative process–we need to keep circling around and checking status. 
• Humor- Laughing is good for the soul.  In fact, medical evidence suggests that it’s good for your health too.  Life has a way of getting way too serious and humor helps to balance things out.   We all need to laugh more at ourselves, others, and the circumstances around us.  Laughter is contagious so spread it around and never take yourself too seriously.

We all can flourish in the right environment.  What’s your environment like?  Which elements are there, which ones are missing?   Can you think of more?   Post a message and let you know if any of this resonates with you.