AARP, You’ll Never Take Me Alive!

I turned 50 last year and have been receiving mailings from AARP ever since.  They are relentless!  How did they know I was turning 50?  Who are these people?  Why does everyone give them money?  Where do they get their information?  

It all started with an offer to join, then an AARP membership card when I didn’t respond to their first offer.  Then other offers for auto-insurance, life-insurance, credit cards, and all kinds of other crap.  Then more offers to join.  And then another membership card just in case I lost the first one.  Then more offers for other services and letters to explain the benefits just in-case I didn’t understand the first 400 mailings. 

Well, I’ve got news for them–they will never get my $14–ever!  I don’t care if they have reasonable insurance, it’s a matter of principle.  They are not putting me on their membership list. 

They have been harassing me for over a year (they even started before I turned 50).  At this point, they are just hacking me off.  I wonder what it costs to harass everyone in America (by mail) who is over 50?  No wonder they need $14 from me.  As far as I’m concerned, they are a bunch of sick Nazis.

I have some theories about who these people really are:

  • The US Government pretending to be a non-profit organization.  They use the money to fund covert operations in Cuba or South America. 
  • Desperate missionaries.
  • Dr. No and his evil assistants, planning to take over the world.
  • Illegal Aliens 
  • The Indians getting revenge (oh wait, they are already doing that with the Casinos)
  • 70 and 80 year-olds funding their retirement.
  • Short people having some fun.
  • The Mormon Church
  • Donald Rumsfeld gathering funds for another war.

I think all of us who are 50 and older should band together and fight this opressive group.  Someone has to take a stand!  Together we could take them down and return their vast wealth to the American people.  What do you think?

2 Responses

  1. Its even worse when you let your membership lapse. Must be some kind of cardinal sin. The thing I really dislike about them is that they spend a part of my dollar on lobbying for liberal causes. I’m a conservative.

  2. Funny … LMAO :D

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